We’ve all heard the phrase “never have sex on the first date”, but can anyone tell us how that absurd rule started? Was it Charlotte from Sex in the City? 🤔
We would prefer to follow the rule: “Have sex whenever it feels right for you and your partner”, which could happen on the first date, 100th date, or any date in between. If sex does happen to fall on the first, here are 5 questions to ask your partner to ensure the experience is safe and enjoyable for both of you.
Do you have a condom?
Because you are new partners, it’s important to confirm you have protection, as you most likely don’t know each other’s past sexual histories and don’t want to unknowingly pass an STI to one another. As a bonus, condoms also reduce your risk of unwanted pregnancy. Of course, this question can be avoided altogether if you’re carrying one yourself! Just add it to your list of essentials before you leave the house... phone, keys, wallet, condom. Easy!
Do you have any STIs I should be aware of?
This can be a hard question to ask, but one worth asking. This question isn’t meant to shame or judge your partner’s past sexual experiences, but instead meant to inform decisions about your body. STDs reached an all-time high in the United States in 2017, and it’s something we need to talk about more honestly and openly. While this can be a sensitive question, asking it can establish honesty and trust, which is essential to healthy relationships.
What feels good to you? What doesn’t?
The first time you have sex with a new partner can be exciting and adventurous, but it also means you’re often unaware of what they like. This can lead to some sexy exploration, but it’s also important to know what their personal boundaries are and what feels good. Maybe that ear nibbling thing you’re trying just isn’t their jam, but they’re afraid to be honest so they try some fake moaning and then cringe about it later (or maybe you’re the ear nibble recipient, and this is giving you some unpleasant flashbacks). Unwanted sexual gestures can be avoided by learning about your partner's favorite spots, zones, etc. And don’t be shy— share yours too!
Can I try (insert sex position here)?
Let’s say you’re having sex with a new partner. Maybe this new person doesn’t like oral, but loves some kissing and snuggling. Most likely, you wouldn’t know this— it’s a first date, after all— which is why it doesn’t hurt to ask likes and dislikes. Not only will you have a better understanding of preferences and boundaries, but it's also a fun way to start setting the mood. Just because you like getting tied up doesn’t mean you want your feet tickled, ya know? (not a euphemism!)
What makes you orgasm?
Remember that book “Everyone poops?” They should have another book called “Not Everyone Orgasms.” Statistically, only 25% of people with a vagina orgasm consistently, and the idea of having to “fake it” in 2019 is depressing— aren’t we going through enough as it is? You don’t always have to orgasm for the sex to be good and enjoyable, but talking about it openly may lead to a more satisfying experience overall. Whether it’s fingering, oral, penetration, or additional help from a sex toy, asking this simple question may turn average, run of the mill sex into run-home-to-write-in-your-diary sex... you never know.