Just like there isn’t one way to have sex, there isn’t one way to achieve an Earth-shattering orgasm.
Folks get off in a variety of different ways, including fingering/stroking, oral, penetration, and more. But what about eliminating the physical component of sex all together? Is it possible to experience an orgasm using just your mind?
The good news is: yes. The not-so-perfect news is that it’s not as simple as closing your eyes and thinking about a shirtless Brad Pitt (although this hasn’t actually been tested. Can someone try it out and get back to us?). Luckily, we’ve called upon Gigi Engle, certified sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life, to help us dive deeper into the art of the hands-free orgasm.
While achieving an orgasm with your mind may seem like a stretch, Engle was quick to remind us that the brain is a sex organ. In fact, it’s the biggest one! “The brain plays a key role in desire, lust, and genital stimulation,” Engle told us. “You definitely can have an orgasm through your mind. When you take time to get in touch with your mental state, your brain connects to the rest of your body, sending waves of pleasure through you. Just like in physical sexual play, when you try mental eroticism, you're taken through foreplay, pleasure, and sometimes orgasm.”
To get started, Engle recommends cleansing and calming the mind by engaging in relaxing activities and practicing deep breathing. “There are lots of great YouTube videos for mental orgasms. I recommend starting alone first, so you don't feel the pressure of having a partner present when you're first getting your bearings. It's key to remember that erotic hypnosis is a learned skill that takes practice. You probably won’t slip into an erotic state the first time you try it.”
“Erotic hypnosis” is a method to bring you into a trance-like erotic mental state. This can be achieved when you immerse yourself in sexual fantasy, most commonly through a steamy narrative. “It's kind of dreamy - you're not like a zombie,” Engle clarifies. “You're brought into a fantasy through the power of erotic story.” If you plan on trying this with a partner, Engle recommends setting up boundaries, especially if you’ve asked them to guide the process. “Discuss boundaries, limitations, and intentions,” suggests Engle. “A trance state is defined by how our brain-waves are responding. When we're in a trance, they slow down.”
Now let’s say that you’ve taken a long bath, put on some soft music, close your eyes, find yourself titillated by an erotic story that you’re listening to or have whipped up with your imagination… and still can’t orgasm. Don’t worry! Mental orgasms take patience and practice, and sometimes, not even the steamiest stories can get you to orgasm without physical stimulation. “If you don’t experience orgasm, that’s OK,” Engle assures us. “You can also find yourself experiencing erotic pleasure and relaxation. It just won't happen for everyone. What everyone can benefit from the experience is practicing mindfulness.”
It certainly can’t hurt to try— if anything, you’ll enjoy some deep relaxation in the process.