One of the most common questions we receive is: “I can orgasm when I’m alone but not with a partner. How can I orgasm during partnered sex?” One technique that could help is mutual masturbation and pleasure mapping. Mutual masturbation has a couple of meanings, but the one we are talking about today is when you and your partner watch each other masturbate. This may sound weird, embarrassing, or sexy, depending on your preferences. But we’ve compiled some solid reasons for how this could be beneficial for you and your partner.


It’s a great way to communicate what you like


If like many women, you find there is an orgasm gap between you and your partner, mutual masturbation is a positive way to show them what makes you feel good. Everyone brings different experiences, expectations, and preconceived notions to the bedroom. Even if your partner is trying their best to be a great lover and make you happy, there is no way for them to know what you like or don’t like unless you tell (or show) them! 

Partaking in mutual masturbation allows your partner to see first hand how you reach orgasm on your own, which can help them understand where and how they should touch you during partnered sex. 

To take this a step further, you and your partner can practice pleasure mapping, which is where you vocalize what you like and what you don’t like every step of the way during a sexual encounter. This is all about practicing being specific, with an end goal in mind of making sex more pleasurable for both partners. 


It’s safe


If you engage in mutual masturbation entirely separately from your partner — aside from your intense eye contact, that is — you won’t need to worry about pregnancy or STIs. However, if you’re occasionally masturbating each other in the process, you should protect yourself when coming into contact with one another’s fluids (okay, that’s not the sexiest way to say it — but when it comes to safe sex, we gotta be direct folks).


It heightens desire 


Mutual masturbation creates a heightened sense of longing and desire. While you both may be engaging in self-pleasure, watching each other touch yourselves will allow you to fantasize about how you will touch one another in the future. The activity is bound to create some serious sexual tension. It will give you alllll the tingles, trust me.


You can enjoy in close proximity or at a distance 


Whether you’re in the same bed or on different coasts, you can enjoy mutual masturbation with your partner from virtually anywhere. If you’re long-distance, this could be a great activity to incorporate into a late-night chat or Zoom date night (just make sure you lock your door to avoid nosy roommates). Your bodies may not be physically close, but the intimacy you’ll share while masturbating together may feel just as electric.