Several days ago, I took a break from my regularly scheduled Real Housewives programming to FaceTime with a friend, and we returned to our regularly scheduled topic of conversation: deep horniness in the time of self-isolation. “I just went to the grocery store and think I flirted with the check-out guy, but we both had our masks on,” she said while scooping herself some ice cream.
In the time of isolation, gone are the days of steamy hookups, sexual tension on a first date, or soft, titillating cuddles. Even folks who are isolating with their significant others are likely to feel a slump, according to the New York Times (and me!). With all of the stress and anxiety from the pandemic, it can be hard to allow yourself to drift into sexual fantasy— which is why we need horny TV shows now, possibly more than ever before. Because what better way to escape from the harsh realities of the real world than to enter a pre-COVID universe full of sexy people doing sexy things? If you’ve been looking for a mental escape that will allow you to channel your horniness and sexual frustrations, look no further than my lush offerings below.
Normal People (Hulu)
Based on the 2018 best-selling novel by Sally Rooney, fans have been eagerly awaiting the sexpot programming that is Normal People. It’s been reported that the 12-episode season contains 41 minutes of sex scenes (which I’m pleased to report are very, very good), which gives you plenty to look forward to throughout the season. Normal People centers around the complicated romantic relationship of Connell and Marianne, two very attractive Irish people whose relationship has equal amounts of sexual tension and drama. Prepare yourselves for secret hookups, lustful gazes, and scenic strolls on Ireland’s picturesque Atlantic coast.
If I could only use two words to describe this show, they would be: everybody's horny. And while not every story-line in this Chicago-centered, slice-of-life show focuses on sex, most of them do, and there is a general horny energy to the show where you feel like a sex scene could pop up at any moment (and when they do, they’re absolutely delightful). Some favorites that come to mind are a married couple trying role-play for the first time, an empowered burlesque dancer performing for her girlfriend, and Orlando Bloom having a threesome (if Legolas was a big part of your sexual awakening, this scene is truly the gift that keeps on giving). This show captures the sexy, unexpected parts of life that make it fun, and remind you of all the things we have to look forward to when isolation ends.
If your first love sent you a text saying they wanted to run away with you and leave everything behind, what would you do? In Run, former loves Ruby and Billy made a pact that if one of them texts the other “Run” the other person has 24 hours to text them back the same word. From there, they would drop everything, aboard a cross-country train departing from New York City, and spend a week together to decide if they want to be together forever. Ruby and Billy do just that, and as they reconnect emotionally (and yes, physically), they piece together the secrets of one another's past. If you’re looking for a slow, sexy build, this is the show for you!
L Word: Generation Q (Showtime)
I’d like to preface this suggestion by saying that if you haven’t watched the original L Word...now is the time, my friends. Now. Is. The. Time. In fact, I would confidently bet that Shane McCutcheon could independently cure your self-isolation blues!
Okay, so for those who have already seen the cult classic lesbian show The L Word, it’s time to dip your toes into the next era of queer heartthrobs on L Word: The Next Generation. While nothing could ever replace the beloved original, Generation Q expands on the L Word universe with fresh, new faces and even revives some of your favorite characters (Shane! Alice! Bette!) and while the setting has moved from West Hollywood to Silver Lake, the sizzling sex scenes haven’t changed one bit.
It didn’t take long for Fleabag to become an award-sweeping sensation, and as you follow the misadventures of the quick-witted, hilarious, and mischievous heroine, you quickly understand why. While Fleabag has lots of sex in the first season, it’s the lack of sex in the second season that makes it so damn hot. Fleabag unexpectedly falls in love with a priest (Andrew Scott, swoon) who will be officiating her father's second wedding. Their sexual tension dangerously builds, as they both know they can’t be together (or do they? That’s for you to find out!). Waller-Bridge and Scott have a palpable, delicious chemistry that feels so intimate, you almost feel like you shouldn’t be intruding. If you haven’t seen this devastatingly sexy season, set aside 6 hours so you can binge, ASAP.
When I mentioned to a friend that I was writing this, she urgently texted me “Sense8. You NEED to include Sense8!” When this friend was doing research in a small, remote town in Alaska, Sense8 was the sexual fantasy show that kept her warm throughout long, dark Alaskan nights. Sense8 is a science-fiction drama that centers around 8 people across the globe who find themselves inexplicably connected through their minds. As they all attempt to seek answers as to why, there is a wild, horny twist: when one of them has sex, they all experience the same toe-curling sensation. And these scenes don’t just happen in the mind— no, they’re visually expressed through figurative (but also very real) orgy scenes. And they are, ahem, very, very hot. To sway you into trying this show, my friend sent me a Youtube compilation of the best sex scenes from the show. Who knows? Maybe this clip will satisfy your horny energy on it’s own!